The Journey Ahead

It is crazy how much your choices now affect your future. Even if we wish or think we will change, the probability is pretty slim. So I have been trying to settle some good habits that hopefully I'll still have in years to come. Senior year is coming up and senior summer is here so my life on my own is not far off! Scary, exciting, and time to settle a couple of things before I go.
Well to tell you the truth I have been planning and preparing for this moment for a long time. It was always middle school, high school, college, job, marriage, kids, etc. I always had this general plan that I tried to keep as a map forward. I have already tried to get some good habits established into me so that when I do move onto my future, I will be ready.
The most recent addition of preparing myself is having a budget for food. I asked my parents if I could have a weekly allowance to buy my own food so that I could establish a couple things. Learn how to budget the money wisely. Learn how to make some pretty awesome, cheap, and healthy meals so I won't gain the freshman 15 or whatever. Learn how to budget meal plans to where I don't have wasted or unused food in the fridge. Well they agreed and I have been trying to budget myself with 10 dollars a week since I'll probably own the food basics already. I know it kind of sounds crazy, but I love doing this kind of stuff.
Also I have tried to establish self- discipline and self- sufficient attributes. I try to keep my room clean and do homework right when I get home so I don't procrastinate. I have tried to learn what it is like to earn your own money and save some money. I blame my parents for all of this. My dad is very stingy, but good with money and has taught me to understand the value of a dollar.
I remember when I was younger, like in 5th grade to 9th, I would get a monthly allowance of 20 dollars. I would have to buy all of my stuff too. For those years I would buy my own school clothes and budget throughout the year how many extra chores and jobs I would need to do in order to have around $250 for school clothes. I was a pretty crazy kid. Then I realized I could just be saving that money for college and since my parents are willing, they can buy my clothes. But boy did I learn to be a smart shopper and buy clothes with the best deals.
Why am I telling you this? I'm just letting you know that I have tried to prepare myself my whole life for the moment when I'm out on my own. But there are still a couple of things that Senior year will have to provide in order for me to be absolutely ready.
For example, I still am a little on the undecided of actually what I want to major in and what I want to do with my life. The one I like the best right now is being a teacher. Even when I was little, one of my favorite games to play was school. I would make my two older sisters my pupils and I would give them math, spelling, and reading lessons. I even went so far as to create my own library so they could check out books. But this senior year I want to find out if that is what I really want to be.
Also I hope I'll be able to get into the college of my choice and receive a couple of scholarships. It isn't always about the place you go, but your attitude, but it doesn't hurt to go to a place you want to go. Money is the driving force to pushing me forward and I'll need something to pay all those bills with.
I also envision my senior year being the year to maintain a strong healthy relationship with my family. Family is all you got when everything else is gone. I think to help me succeed in life I need to have that peace that my family is supporting me and we are on good terms. They are the ones I can turn to when things aren't going well or when I just need someone to talk to when I'm lonely.
In reality I feel senior year is just a year to prepare for the next chapter in your life which will prepare you for the next chapter and so on and so forth, but I feel if I choose to focus on how senior year will prepare me for my complete future than I loose sight of some of the important details in life. That is why I chose to focus more on my immediate future rather than my whole life. Just remember, senior year is a huge bridge you are crossing, but it is only the entrance to the unknown journey ahead.

Change your thoughts and you change your world

Every year, I seem to go to Idaho with my family to go visit my grandparents and go camping. It is one of my favorite trips. Every since I was little we would go up there. My grandparent’s house is a whole nother story and has character all to itself. It is pinkish red with green trimings and inside brings you back to the 70's. They have a basement that could scare any little kid and spark any teenagers sense of adventure. It had tons of jars of canned foods that looked like eyes and toes and other things that you would see in a crazy scientist lab. It also had tons of olds clothes that used to be my grandmas and some num chucks and a couple of other amazing things until my sister secretly took them away. Their house always seemed to be so different and foreigned to me, but homey.
Grandma would always give us kids a dollar and say, “Here kid, go buy yourself something nice.” At first we took it quite gratefully, but as we got older we felt guilty for taking it as we learned it wouldn't ever buy us anything nice. We sooned realized, though, that the love and price it took to give us those few dollars was priceless. I learned that the people here were carefree and loving and showed their love in various ways.
Another thing I learned was to appreciate life. When we were younger, Landon and I would walk, ride, or run to the nearby park. It was a nice, green, plush little park filled with see saws, huge slides and tons of trees. I would daresay, it was one of my favorite places to be when I was younger. I loved it there. There was also a water fall and huge body of water nearby. I remember one time being with my dad sitting on a ledge looking over the water. He told me of a story of one of his friends who died from getting into the water and falling down the water fall. They found his body a couple days after he died. I remember I was scared to get into the water because of that and quickly got off that ledge. Who knew that such a life sustaining thing as water could be so deadly?
After a couple of days at grandma and grandpa’s house we would take their trailer up into the mountains. Camping and fishing was the second thing we did in Idaho. We would be near the small town of Kilgore. It was hardly inhabited and had quite a character of people. We always passed a farmer with the sign posted, “Only kind of good wolf is a dead wolf”. We would also pass the Kilgore Store where they sold small candies for a penny and the well known monkey bars and honey butter! (I loved honey butter and fry sauce which California doesn’t sell.) We would always camp in the same spot when it was open. There would be a huge field of flowers in front of us and if you looked closer a small stream.
I remember when I was younger that fishing was not fun for me in that stream. I loved the catching of the fish, but when I saw it on the hook I would begin to cry. “Daddy let him go. Let him live! Will he be ok?” Hearing the concern in my tone, dad would take the hook out of its mouth and let it back into the water. Sometimes they would swim on their way, but I remember most of all one lazily swimming and then just going along with the current floating on top of the water. It broke my heart. I got better and better at handling the death of the fish. I could gradually watch my dad hit the fishes head on the rock, and then I could tear the worms in half, and then I could watch him clean the fish and show me the heart.
It gradually came as I got older and older. It was like my senses each year were becoming duller and duller and I came to realize I was changing. I wasn't the same little girl. I was used to living in an atmosphere that would change with me and in Idaho it was different. Instead of holding tight onto daddy's shirt, he was holding tight onto me from running off. Instead of singing and running in the meadow of flowers, I was now slowly walking picking a flower here and there. In the unchanging enviroment I realized I was different each time.
That is the thing I realize most whenever I go back. Everything seems the same there. Grandma still has the same magnet on the fridge in the same spot. The bag of books on her floor are still there, but I'm different. Instead of worrying about grandma giving me a kiss, I'm worrying about college and money, but change is good. And every year I seem to learn that again. Change is wonderful.

Don't be blinded

So I decided to read Elizabeth's review on The Blind Side, a movie. There is something that didn't rub well when I read it. It was her main reason on why you should watch the movie. I quote, "Last but not least, actually, this could very well be the main reason to watch the film: the little boy, Sean Tuohy, actor Jae Head. Oh wow, did this kid have character. I laughed at just about every scene he was in. This little kid had absolute perfect comedic timing. His character was well written and he delivered every line flawlessly and hilariously."

I disagree that he should be the main reason you watch this movie. If that is the main reason then you are missing the whole point. The movie isn't purely to get a laugh out of you and analyze Sean's character. This movie is so much more. If you are going to use your time to watch this movie then you need to get something more out of it, not because it is necessary for this movie, but because this movie offers so much more.

It is every one's dream to be found and given a way of life that leads to success. We all want the big break and dough to come rushing in. In a way we all want to be like Sandra Bullock the one making the difference because life is already where we want to be, but at first we must be Big Mike where he is lost, searching and trying to find himself or somewhere he can be found. Most of all this movie shows how important it is to have family. No matter how much we fight with them or don't get agree with them, they do a lot for us. Parents pay for your food, gas, clothes, diapers, must I go on? Siblings help you get away with sneaking out and give you company when you are bored. Family gets us places.

In closing Elizabeth needs to realize that Sean is not the main reason to see this movie. Even though Sean is a hilarious charter, he is not the one we should be mainly focusing on. He is a character that adds, but doesn't create. He is one that helps us get places, but isn't the one driving. So when you go to see this movie, please do not with the intent that Elizabeth recommended. Go because this movie is a reflection of ourselves in each character or a reflection of what we all wish to be.

Emerson The American Scholar

I remember at the beginning of the year experiencing the creators of Transcendentalism. I would walk out of class and think, "Life is good! Today I can do anything. Today I can experience life. Today I can see the world. Today I can be me." Learning about transcendentalism made me happy and made me more optimistic about life. I liked that. The one author I liked the most was Emerson and the piece of literature was The American Scholar.
He talked about trusting yourself and not letting your mind be swayed by others opinions. "In the degenerate state, when the victim of society, he tends to become a mere thinker, or, still worse, the parrot of other men's thinking." (Emerson, 526) I liked imagining myself a free thinker without being persuaded by anyone. It gave me a sense of finding my true self and molding me into something I would agree with and find beautiful.
He talked about experiencing things to learn and know all aspects of life. "Drudgery, calamity, exasperation, want, are instructors in eloquence and wisdom." (Emerson, 530) This is where I realized I wanted to know life. I wanted to travel and see the world. I wanted to open my mind and experience life. It gave me more hope that even though life isn't always dandy and good, I can still learn and gain something from the bad times.
It is about seizing the day and every moment and being one with yourself and Nature. It is about being free and not fear. “Free should the scholar be,-free and brave. Free even to the definition of freedom, “without any hindrance that does not arise out of his own constitution.” Brave; for fear is a thing which a scholar by his very function puts behind him. Fear always springs from ignorance.” (Emerson, 533) I realized I can't live my life in fear. I can't live it with thinking things are too hard. I wanted to be free.
Emerson was my favorite reading this year. His work is substantial and full of meaning. His work is about the individual as Transcendentalism seemed to be. It is about knowing all of you and the world around. It is about being a whole being and knowing thyself. He doesn't want you to be disabled, but free to see, do, and be all and that seems to be good with me.

If I Find Something Worth Fighting For

So I was trying to think about what I'm passionate about. Something I would fight for! Something that seems to dig into my soul and says, "I feel..." But to tell you the truth, I have been thinking about this for months now. I'm not kidding you either. MONTHS. I have been trying to find something that seems to be getting farther and farther away. As Coldplay says, "I'm gonna buy a gun and start a war. If you can tell me something worth fighting for." -Rush of Blood to the Head.
I feel stuck when it comes to something I feel worth fighting for. Animals are great and yeah there is animal cruelty, but hey humans are great and there is human cruelty. I would rather fight for the human life. Volunteer work is great, but it doesn't move me. War is cruel, but sometimes necessary. I think our school could use some work all around, but I'm not about to go fight for that just so it can be torn down again. If you think I'm going to finally come up with something I'm passionate about, your wrong. I have been searching for months and haven't found it, I'm not about to find it in the 5 days Patino gave us, but I won't leave you completely hungry.
There are somethings that I guess you could say I'm all for or all not for. I'll expound on one. Number 1 being Summer Assignments. I don't get them one bit. People have told me my whole high school life that these are necessary to get ahead to make sure we are up to the work, to make sure we are smart enough, to weed out the weak ones. But hey! I'm a kid, a teenager! My young life where summers are job free and friend full are limited and you are stuffing me with work? They say, It will prepare you for college. I'm pretty sure college kids don't have summer assignments!
Freshman summer: Teacher says, "10 books. You must read these ten books before the end of summer. We will be doing a lot with them when you get back for school. Huge test the first day of school. Make sure you are prepared! If you don't have them finished you will be kicked out of the class. Oh also, take this test. It tells us how smart you are."
Freshman beginning of school: "Hello my name is Mrs. Herman. Oh you had to read 10 books? I knew nothing about it. Just forget about it. How many of you actually finished it? Oh 3 of you. Well lets move on." No one is kicked out.
Lesson 1: LIES
The reason, though, I say I'm not really passionate about or find it worth fighting for is because I have done all the summer assignments asked of me. I have done them even though I hate them and don't agree with them. I mumble and grumble and then use my summer for school work that never seems to end. Some days I don't even know why.
Hopefully you will understand that I have been looking for something that I can say, "I feel this is extremely important. We should do something about it and I am." Maybe I'll find it this summer or tomorrow. Each experience, hopefully, will bring me closer. As for now though I am a traveler trying to find a place called home.

Gay=Happy=Homosexual=Fruity=Uncool

That's gay!
What could they mean?! Once upon a time gay meant you were happy and some girls were named Gay; now if I were to say I'm gay, then I'm a homosexual and no parent in there right mind would name their kid Gay anymore. Why? Because the meaning of the word has changed over time. It is now new lingo for that is not cool, homosexual, and altogether different, but unacceptable. Gay kind of goes along with fruity. When did fruity ever mean homo? What is this world coming to?
"Man this song sounds fruity."
"Yeah, I know it sounds so gay."
Have you ever heard or said something similar? Well, I'm not going to lie. I have said things along these lines. They mean the songs sounds lame, not cool, odd. Back in to day, people wouldn't even know what you were talking about if you said a song sounded fruity and if you said it sounded gay, it sounded happy.
So I was thinking how in the world did this happen anyways? I was thinking maybe the first person who started this had a group of friends like me where they have codewords for other words. Like for example, I would be talking to Emma on the phone about a boy and I didn't want my mother to understand so I would refer to him as Stacey. Or how some of my friends decided to use derivative as a code word for something else so that Vidal didn't know they weren't doing the math. So I decided I better do a little research since these didn't quite fit in.
It seems to be unsure of when it really changed, but a lot seem to agree it gained fire around the 60's and 70's. Homosexuals began referring themselves as gay. Even brothels were refereed as gay houses. Fruity seems to have come around the same time too. Sometimes I'll never really get people though it seems. I just don't get how gay went from happy to homosexual to lame. But here is a site that can explain this mess a whole lot better than me. http://wiki.answers.com/Q/When_did_the_word_gay_start_to_mean_homosexual
I just got one last thing to say: It must really have sucked to be named Gay when the meaning changed.
"What is your name?"
"I'm Gay"
"That is random. But what is your name?"
"No, my name is Gay."
"OH"
AWKWARD SILENCE

Not Cho Mama's

Grilled Cheese Sandwich and French Fries. Sounds like a pretty flat description, but what if I gave them some character? How would I describe them?
Two slices of fake American cheese on buttered and crispy white bread thrown into a basket with another basket with an array of swirly looking fries. OK maybe I made it sound too good. It wasn't that great.
I decided to try to new place Not Cho Mama's up on the golf course and try one of their dishes hence a grilled cheese sandwich and French Fries. I was ready to try something new something exciting! But you see I have been vegetarian for the past couple weeks, 3, and decided to go to Not Cho Mama's and try something without meat which was like a diabetic in a candy shop. It just doesn't go very well. Yeah sure they'll have some sugar free candy, but that won't be the good stuff and it will be very slim pickings. I didn't know though. Everything was new and I wanted to try their dish of some sort.
It was quick service, but that isn't what I'm reviewing. The Grilled Cheese Sandwich: All foods are artwork, but just like famous paintings their are always fakes and copies. That is what this grilled cheese was like. There was no pazza! or anything to set it aside from other grilled cheese sandwiches. It was fake all around. Fake cheese, fake processed white bread, probable fake butter aka margin, inside a fake plastic red basket with a liner to keep that clean. But hey to give it a little credit, it was pretty cheap food and it did fill me up. So thinking about it and applying it to Patino's standards; what does this piece of artwork say? The theme is that America is getting fake and cheap.
We have fast foods with dollar menus and chips, soda, and candy is cheaper than a head of broccoli and whole wheat bread. We are lowering our standards in our lives by replacing real cheese with fake and adding American to make it seem like this new kind of cheese is aught to be better than everything else. And we settle with it because it is cheaper and money controls everything. I ate most of my meal too. Why? Not really cause I enjoyed it, but because I was paying for it.
My french fries were just ordinary as well. If you can eat and enjoy them without ketchup, ranch, etc, then you have some good fries. These ones I had to eat with ketchup because if not they tasted bland and flavorless. And you have to understand that I love French Fries and enjoy trying all the different kinds there are. So for me to say that these french fries are pretty bland is pretty reliable.
So what did I learn? Well, I knew food was art, but the meaning you could get out of it was new to me. Food has a lot to say. Whoever knew that America (the artist) was producing a whole lot of fakes and copies and few gems and priceless pieces of work. No get me wrong I love a lot of food and a lot of things, but Not Cho Mama's was right. There interpretation of a grilled cheese sandwich and fries is not my mama's interpretation. She cooks homemade fries and whole wheat with real cheese sandwiches. It just proves that nothing can be as good as your mama's cooking.